Grifters

"We're all grifters. So we sell each other out for a nickel". The Big Sleep. Raymond Chandler

A rube? “What’s a rube you?” you say. Well, the Wiki-dictionary, or “Wikitionary”, defines it as: A person of rural heritage; a yokel. An unsophisticated or unintelligent person.

To me though, and anyone else familiar with the term, it means “sucker”. A Rube is some average Joe who gets “taken” or cheated out of his money. This is usually in reference to someone at a carnival or fair who is playing a game that can not be won or its prize is not worth the time and money required. It’s a “grift”, a scam or rouge, and the rube is the target. Sheep or cattle, following the heard and saying, “moooo, here is my money, take it.” And although I am aware of this term and the practices behind it, I too have been swindled of my hard earned currency. My meager earnings, snatched away.

With any grift or scam, you first need a “mark”. That’s me. Me. The halo obsessed type. The type of guy who spends all that he can afford on toys, helmets, bobble-heads and posters, to fill his special “gaming” room. The “ebay-happy” type, who placed numerous bids on a seven-foot master chief statue, and lost because his girlfriend found out, “Are you crazy??!!” The guy who, if he was single, would seriously buy a reproduction of mjolnir armor costing as much as a decent used car, or more likely devoting half his apartment to the construction of his own. “Can’t play halo without my mjolir armor on.” Yes, that’s me, the kid who built his own halo armory out of cardboard and duct tape. The Mark.

So what’s the scam?

Well, some months ago I was reading a post on the forums when one of our members talked about buying halo guidebook online. “A halo guidebook you say!? Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie!” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been playing the game obsessively for some years now and know what I’m doing. I may not have the skill of the twitchy 15 year old that has absolutely no responsibility beyond keeping his room clean, but I can hold my own with the rest of the 47’s out there. But as I logged onto their website, I find that the guide was written and developed by non other than LegendPimps of Team Classic. So I think to myself, “Maybe there are a few good nuggets of info that I don’t know about. Maybe a nade point or tricky jump that may improve my game a little.” Remember that the slightest advantage in a game may be the difference between a W and a L. So I’m in. I buy. Not a lot of money really. 25 bucks. Done. Here you go. Mooooo.

So what do I get for my money?

I open the e-book, and the guide starts of with all the basics. Map names and callouts. Weapon placement and re-spawn times. All the stuff I already know down to rating individual weapons and their effectiveness. Ok. Fine. I expected this for all the noobs out there that want to emulate their hero’s at MLG. No problem. Now let’s get to the good stuff, like setups, nade points, spawn-controls and tactical jumping. Come on Legend, teach me something. Show me how it’s done you pro you. So I scan down in the index and find that there is nothing more to read. Nothing. Not one bit of useful info. Ya, there is a link to a video with pimps making this sick jump in a ball game, but that’s it. But wait, there’s a video section with nade points that I haven’t watched and another couple videos of game play. Great lets check that out. But there is a problem. The videos won’t load on my screen. Hmm? Well let’s check the faqs. Maybe there is something I need to do or download. OK. Did all that and nothing still. Well then. Guess I have to email tech support.

Weeks later and no response. Ok, well he’s a busy guy and maybe they are having trouble returning all the emails. Fine, I’ll send another to be sure. Weeks later, nothing still. OK. Another email and nothing. Then another, this one angry, and still no response.

So now I sit here reading this useless guide with even more useless video links that don’t even work and no response from the website. WTF! Scammed! I know what you’re thinking. “It’s your fault for even buying that useless thing. Maybe not as pointless as the Microsoft guide, but pointless non-the-less. It’s your fault for being such a consumer whore.” Well, I know that already you bastard! The problem is that the seller is not a carny at some local fairground with a greasy white t-shirt and tattoos on his face. This is supposed to be a “professional” game player selling information to help others learn the tricks of the trade. By no means do I want to become pro or have any deluded fantasies of competing. Nor did I feel that if I bought this guide I would suddenly start playing at a new level, pwning the competition. Believe me when I say that I knew what to expect, but I’m not getting what I paid for. I’ve been bamboozled! Even if the videos I can’t see are uninformative, at least let me see them! It feels like going to a movie, and only getting to watch the scenes you’ve already seen in the previews. But in this case I can’t even complain to the manager. Can’t return my item to the store or get a refund. I would rather they wrote me back and said, “Screw you buddy, you’re the dumb-ass who paid 25 dollars for a bunch of info that you already read in the game manual. HAHAHAHAHA!” I would still be pissed of course, but at least I would have some closure Damit!

Don’t be a rube like me. Slowly walking down the street, hands in my jean pockets, staring at the ground, kicking the occasional stone or trash in my way, dejected, forlorn.

SCAMMED!

Article Discussion
Home